Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and all children experience anxiety in some form or another. Helping children manage stress and anxiety is an important skill that will help them throughout their lifetime.
Here is what you can do:
1. Do not avoid things just because they make your child anxious
Our first instinct as parents is to protect our children by avoiding things that scare them. Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it worsens anxiety in the long run. Instead, help them face their fears one small step at a time using the stepladder approach.
2. Talk to your child
Listen to what they have to say about why they are scared. Be empathetic and tell them that it is ok to be scared. Try not to empower or reinforce their fears. Also, avoid promising them that what they fear will not happen (like saying that they are not getting a vaccine when they actually are!). Instead, assure them that you are confident that they will be able to face their fears.
3. Teach your child to challenge their fears
Children often worry based on feelings rather than on facts which can make something seem scarier than it actually is. You can help your child challenge their fears by teaching them to identify their worries and collect evidence to counter their fears.
4. Deep breathing
When children face something they perceive as scary, they undergo a physiological response known as the fight-or-flight response. Their muscles tense up, their heart starts to race and they start breathing fast. During this acute stress response, children are not able to think logically or control their behavior, and simply telling them to “calm down,” “stop worrying,” or “be brave” just does not work. Instead, it is important to reverse the effects of the fight-or-flight response and help children calm down.
One of the most effective ways to do so is through deep breathing. It is important to note that It takes time and practice for children to learn to effectively breathe deep. Hence, it is better to teach children to control their breathing when they are calm so that they can use it effectively when anxious.
- Balloon breathing: Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine themselves blowing up a balloon. Explain that they would need to inhale and exhale slowly. Breath in to a count of four and breath out for another count of four and repeat.
- Smell the pizza: Ask your child to imagine a slice of pizza or any other hot food in front of them. Ask them to smell the pizza by taking a deep breath to inhale the delicious scent and then to cool the pizza by blowing out slowly.
- Ask your child to breathe in like you are smelling a flower, breathe out like you are blowing out birthday candles.
5. Practice mindfulness
Another effective coping technique is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness helps children ground themselves in the present which allows them to distance themselves from what is upsetting them. Ask him or her to notice five things he can see, hear or feel through touch to help him/her be in the present.
6. Strike a power pose
Research shows that holding a powerful pose for just two minutes can boost feelings of self-confidence and power. Have your child pose like his/her favorite superhero, with their hands on their hips, ready for battle.
7. Move around
Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals in our bodies. Ask your child to shake out each limb at a time or walk around a bit.
8. Try progressive muscle relaxation
This relaxation technique involves voluntarily tensing up specific groups of muscles and then releasing the tension and focusing on the feeling of relaxation.
Here are a couple of good ones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDKyRpW-Yuc and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86HUcX8ZtAk
9. Listen to guided meditations
Guided meditations are designed to help children (and adults!) relax by presenting images for their mind’s eye to focus on rather than focusing on the stressor.
Try these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar_W4jSzOlM and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdVfJ-fJ984&list=PLM_5z7EKcBv-Hy4jLOO2PFz1Bu5hSBMfg&index=3
10. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety
This is the most difficult part….. but remember, children are copycats and they learn both the good and bad from us parents.